Ask Premza, Harry Potter Theories
by Elforce
Summary: Ask me about your crazy theories or send them to me! Dear Premza, I think that Harry will turn into a can of beans then get electrocuted with his toy lightsaber, yeah, whatever, review and get something from the mystery box! Dun dun beep.
1. What the Hell This is All About!

Title: Harry Potter Theories

Summary: People send in theories and I answer them. Bit random but worth reading. I wrote most of the theories but a lot of thanks from my friends and their crazy brains.

Please send in more theories by reviewing! That's the only way I can make more chapters! Pygmy Puff Eyes

Humour/General

Disclaimer: Oh sure, my real name is J.K. Rowling and I call myself PremzaWitchOfWeirdos. (By the way I'm being sarcastic.)


	2. Mustard, Bird Poo and Cellaphane

Dear Premza

I think Ron will fall for Cho once he realises the Chudley Cannons suck and becomes a Tornadoes Supporter. He will then break up with Cho when Harry finds out and gets so mad that he casts _Levicorpus_ on Ron until he promises to break up with Cho.

From MariettaIsASneak43

Dear MariettaIsASneak43

Wow, some writers have strange imaginations, but that's a bit rich coming from me.

Premza

Dear Premza

Ginny won't be able to stop dreaming about Harry and plead him to get back together, saying that they all are in danger and Ginny can protect herself. Harry is secretly doubtful but just wants Ginny to be safe. Ginny proves herself when Harry loses has wand, falls unconscious and a flock of dementors have nearly sucked out his soul. Ginny casts a Patronus and drives them away, only to be faced by a bunch of death eaters. She fights them off, half dead, and manages to get herself and Harry to St. Mungo's. A few days later they are well and do some making out and stuff. Harry finds out what happened when he was unconscious and gives in when Ginny wants to be his girlfriend and help to find the Horcruxes. They defeat Lord Voldemort with Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna. Harry gets married to Ginny, Ron and Hermione get married too and Neville and Luna are the perfect couple.

From HarryGinny4Eva

Dear HarryGinny4Eva

Random but interesting and creative theory. Are you just seeking comfort that Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione And Neville and Luna all end up alive and married? Well so am I. They're such cute couples! LOL

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think Harry will realize his real true love is Ron. When Ron finds out, he kills Harry, also for the reason that Ron inherits a lot of Harry's cool stuff like his gold, Firebolt, Marauders Map and Invisibility Cloak. Then Dennis Creevey falls in love with Ron. Ron kills Dennis when he finds out. Krum leaves Fleur when Fleur falls for Tonks; Krum goes for Fenrir Greyback. Ron goes out with a suit of armour with Peeves hiding in it. Crabbe and Goyle marry each other, as do Hermione and Pansy, Millicent B and Ginny, Grawp and Hagrid, Scrimegour and Percy, Kreacher and Slughorn.

From SickTwistedFreak

Dear SickTwistedFreak,

You are a sick twisted freak.

Premza

Dear Premza,

In the Seventh Book Ron will accuse Hermione of being a bad kisser and refuse to talk to her. Hermione takes kissing lessons with Kreacher and goes back to Ron. She is so good and becomes the kissing queen of Hogwarts. Every boy (and most girls) would kill for a snog with her, apart from Harry, who finds out that Hermione has been spiking everyone's coke at breakfast (Yes, they do have Coke) with love potion. Harry didn't get poisoned because he thinks coke for breakfast is wrong.

From, BubblyPinkLemonade

Dear BubblyPinkLemonade,

Harry, Ron and Hermione don't go to school in the Seventh Year. Also, you're strange. REALLY strange. That story would make a good fanfic though. LOL!

Premza

Dear Premza

In the Seventh Book Snape and Neville will get married and have a kid named Sneville Snapebottom. Also Tonks is really Voldy who a the Metamorphagus.

From fattie

Dear fattie

Is that really a theory or something that you think is funny? Suuuuuch a hard question unless you're a retarted freak. Hi-larious! Quote Mr. Burns

Premza

Dear Premza,

The Seventh book is called Harry Potter and the Voice of the Prophecy. When Harry becomes 17, he suddenly disappears, leaving his nose behind. No one knows where he has gone, but he had actually tried to apparate, as he then was of age and wouldn't get in trouble. He had tried to apparate behind the veil for some reason, or because he's stupid, and splinched himself. But as most of his body is beyond the veil, if the Ministry fixes him up, he will die. He wants to die so he can meet his parents and Sirius like Luna told him, but he also is the Chosen one who has to defeat Voldemort plus he has great friends and a sort of girlfriend.

From Zeekybomb3000

Dear Zeekybomb3000

A bit specific. Also you need a conclusion for that, but not a lame one like the Ministry finds out a way to get him out of the veil alive or the power of love helps him out, or Dumbledore's spirit fixes it. He he.

Premza

Dear Premza,

Harry's quill goes crazy and is being possessed by Eggbert the Great Quill of the Ages. It is writing over and over again 'You are Voldy's Son, now go serve him.' Harry is a dumb person so he does go to Voldy and Ron goes with him and they get turned into Inferi and Hermione stays behind the tapestry of Herby the Hilarious. Ginny finds out what Ron and Harry are doing, and she follows them, to be possessed by Voldy, and then Seamus and Dean get possessed by Eggbert, and they kill Hermione with their sharp noses who is still sleeping behind the tapestry. In the end, Percy is the only person left alive who is not an Inferi or possessed, besides Voldemort. Percy decides to become ruler of the world, but since he is the only living person besides Voldemort and Voldemort is only one person and more powerful than Percy, Percy gets to track down Voldemort - but gets killed. Then Voldy gets bored and eats an egg salad sandwich, then he goes to Dreamworld and falls off the Merry go Round and dies, the end.

From help Percy!

Dear help Percy!

All hail Eggbert

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think that Harry will wake up at the end of the 7th book and find out that it was all a dream, and he is still a snotty little 10 year old kid. When he is older and is living by himself he writes books about Hogwarts and becomes a star.

From PsychoPashDream

Dear PsychoPashDream

I'm sooooo sure that will happen, Yeah right.

Premza

Dear Premza

This is the last sentence in the book, I read somewhere that the last word is scar.

Harry felt so happy after defeating Voldemort, but then he mad a mad dash for the toilet and released 7 years of steam. Because he had been holding on for so long there was a stress nerve in his head- yes, it was his scar.

From harrybustedbladder

Dear harrybustedbladder,

Ouch.

Premza


	3. Velcro, Doorknobs and UFOs

Dear Premza

One day I think that Dumbledore will fall down the stairs and get concussion. When he wakes up he will see McGonagall standing over him looking very concerned. He feels a fleeting feeling of love. The next day they are married. Fred & George serve as the Best Men. Dumbledore stuffs up his lines and says 'I don't'. He sends McGonagall rushing out of the Great Hall and into Peeves. Peeves & McGonagall end up getting married. This time the Bloody Baron serves as the Best Ghost/Man. The Ring Bearer is Kreacher. Two years later McGonagall's baby boy is born and named Archibald. Her long lost son comes home to her and he is Lucius Malfoy!

From psychologicallychallengedfruitcake-in.luuuuuurve with?archibald

Dear psychologicallychallengedfruitcake-in.luuuuuurve with?archibald

…?

Premza

Dear Premza,

One day Ron will appear at brekkie with a belly dancing costume on and his belly button pierced and he will start belly dancing. A mysterious person puts Love Potion in the drinks and everyone drinks their drink and they all fall in love with Ron because they are watching him belly dance.

From bellybelly

Dear bellybelly

WTF!

Premza

To Premza,

Dudley gets a girlfriend. Her name is Edna and she loves fat people so she gets along just great with Vernon and Dudley. Then Harry comes home with Professor Binns for one last time and Professor Binns falls in love with Edna. They get married the following spring. She is blissfully unaware she is getting married to an already married and divorced 16 times ghost.

From ghostycome.2get-u

Dear ghostycome.2get-u

Err…. Whatever.

Premza

Dear Premza,

Snape will fall for Ron and Ron will fall for Snape and the last word in the book will be 'time' because the last sentence will be Harry asking, "What's the time?" after the Final Battle.

From snape-ishotHe!he

Dear snape-ishotHe!he

Why would Harry want to know the time after the final battle? Wouldn't her care a bit more that his best friend is a slash freak? Also, the last word in the book is scar, which may give a clue that Harry doesn't die.

From Premza

Chapter 5- Random

Dear Premza,

I've got a few great theories that will obviously be in the Seventh book coz they're so great. One, the Hoggy warty Hogwarts theme song played backwards is a potion to revive the dead. Two, Harry is a Metamorphagus thing but he doesn't know it.

When his parents got killed he transfigured his scar onto his head out of fear or something. So he isn't da chosen 1, Neville is cuz he has a scar on his butt.

From NevilleMyHero

Dear NevilleMyHero

Geez am I sick of stupid theories and I've only ever got like, 4 good ones. On the other hand, they crack me up! LOL!

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think that Seamus will eat some shoe polish then he will go around acting like a chicken for a few days and eat worms and stuff then Draco Malfoy will turn into a chicken and he will meet Seamus in the middle of the Quidditch pitch where a Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw match is and Harry and Ron see the chickens and try to catch them and Ravenclaw wins the match and Ron and Harry eat Seamus and Draco and then Narcissa Black will complain about her son being murdered and Ron and Harry start vomiting out Seamus and Draco and then Cissy is happy but then Harry is angry because he really liked the taste of Draco the Chicken so he turns Draco into a chicken again and he eats him again but then Cissy gets mad at Harry again so then she eats Harry then Ron gets mad so he eats Cissy and then Hermione is mad so she eats Ron, then Seamus is sitting on the loo, constipated, with a fellow chicken.

From nandoperiperi

Dear nandoperiperi

Very…creative.  
Premza

Dear Premza

I think that Lily will come back from the dead and talk to Harry but there is one problem. When she does, she turns into a Pygmy Puff and can only talk in German. To solve this, Harry goes to Germany but he angers an evil German wizard (not Voldy) who turns Harry into a can of mustard. Now Harry can only talk in French. To solve both Lily and Harry's problems, Hermione learns German and French but it turns out Lily is not talking in German, but is talking in Swedish. So, Ron, who somehow knows Swedish, translates with Hermione and they find out that Lily is not actually Lily, but she is Errol, the Weasley's owl, who was Fred and George's tester who was doing the 'Change into the Woman of your Dreams. Drips' test when Harry was at the joke shop. When they tell Harry this, he cracks up in laughter and he starts speaking Japanese.

From languagefreak

Dear languagefreak

Eeeew, wouldn't the woman of Harry's dreams be Ginny or something?

Premza

Dear Premza,

Harry gets cast for a movie because he says to Christopher Columbus that he has the BEST idea for a movie. When Columbus asks what the idea is Harry says: "Some boy goes back in time for some reason or other and has to decide whether his best friend will live...or...die." Columbus is doubtful but then Harry says: "His best friend is a talking pie!" Columbus loves it and Harry is a star!

From quotesimpsons.star!

Dear quotesimpsons.star!

Yay, everybody loves a talking pie. When is that movie coming out?

Premza

Dear Premza

Harry will go flying on his broom over the forbidden forest, looking for Horcruxes. He's slightly drunk on firewhisky- ok, not slightly drunk. 'I don't need my broomstick to fly,' and chucks his Firebolt into the whomping willow. He starts to fall and can't break his fall as he's directly under the whomping willow, so he apparates and splinched himself. His left eyeball and left foot and right knee are left behind (the rest of him go to Godric's Hollow) and fall into the whomping willow, knock the knob, slide into the passage and end up in the shrieking shack, and are later thought to be remains of the corpses.

From purple.haired.gal-purky-jerky

Dear purple.haired.gal-purkyjerky

Harry, riding his broom when he's drunk? HE GETS A 100 GALLEON FINE AND A TICKET! BAD HARRY!

Premza

Dear Premza

The only reason that Draco didn't kill Dumbledore is because he had a secret affair with him. Harry finds out and blabs to Luna, who then puts it in the Quibbler.

From LexiTheChickenStick

Dear LexiTheChickenStick

I'm absolutely sure that will happen.

Premza

Dear Premza,

Hagrid will sprout and extra butt cheek after accidentally eating flesh eating slug repellent.

From purplechicken

Dear purplechicken

Ummmmmm yeah.

Premza


	4. Care Bears, Envelopes and Cocoa Puffs

Dear Premza,

I think Peeves is a Horcrux. The Other ones are Harry's sneakoscope, which was given to him by Ron, the Hogwarts a History Book and Harry's wand.

ScrimegourSux123

Dear ScrimegourSux123

Yes, you think Peeves is a Horcrux. Well it is a theory so it isn't technically incorrect, but that theory is Kerfuffle. Harry's wand is an ok theory though.

Premza

Dear Premza,

Do you think Harry could be the last Horcrux?

Dudette13

Dear Dudette13

No I didn't think that Harry is the last Horcrux, but that was because I didn't think of it. That's a really interesting theory!

Dear Premza,

I think that when Dumbledore put on Slytherin's ring the Horcrux burnt his hand, travelled into his soul and made him a Horcrux. The Death Eaters were told that by Lord Voldemort that they have to keep Dumbledore alive as he was then under Voldemort's control. But Snape was really a double double agent, like pretending to Voldemort that he was pretending to be a good guy when he was working for Dumbledore pretending to Voldemort that he was a death eater who was pretending to work for Dumbledore, so Snape knew all this and murdered Dumbledore, destroying the Horcrux in the process.

Dear BumblebeesREvil

Well thought out but… I just don't think that's exactly correct.

Premza

Dear Premza,

What are Horcruxes?

BunnySlippazRok

Dear BunnySlippazRok,

Have you read Harry Potter?

Premza

Dear Premza,

No

BunnySlippazRok

Dear BunnySlippazRok,

Well, like, read it duuuuuuuuuude!

Premza

Dear Premza

Pavarti, Harry, Ron Hermione, Ginny, Seamus, Dean and Neville play truth or dare in Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean and Neville's Dorm, and Ron is dared to make out with Hermione for 30 seconds. During the embrace, Lavender comes in to tell Hermione that her missing stiletto was found under the closet. She finds Ron pashing her, and gets sooooo mad at Ron that Lavender does _engorgio_ a few times so that her boobs are about 1 metre in diameter each. Ron finds out that Hermione likes him as well as he like her so her thinks that Lav Lav is just gross. Lavender can't walk so properly as they are so heavy, and her back breaks, and her back is a horcrux, so everyone's happy, plus McGonagall's punishment for Lavender is that her boobs have to be shrunken into nothing.

From lav'sboobiesarebig

Dear lav'sboobiesarebig,

UUUURRRRGH! (Hermione wearing stilettos?)

Premza

Dear Premza,

Harry is a horcrux but when he takes a shower in the last book all the grime goes down the drain into the lake and mutates into a monster. (Well Harry hasn't washed since he was taking his egg for a walk!) Anyway this monster takes over the world. And the monster is the horcrux instead of Harry, because over 50 of Harry was grime.

From Hungryfor-silverboxes

Dear Hungryfor-silverboxes

Ugh, 50 of Harry? Harry would be tiny then, or freakishly skinny!

Premza

PS Nice name!

Dear Premza,

It says in the 5th book that they found 'a heavy gold locket that none of them could open' As I think that RAB is sooooo Regulus Black this is the real Horcrux! My guess is that the Malfoys have it, or they gave it to Voldemort and he put it back into the cave, or it's in Kreacher's den. Gross!

From PhlegmOfTheHeart

Dear PhlegmOfTheHeart

Wow, a good and realistic theory comes as a bit of a shock, but I'd say there's a 0.0000001 chance that that won't happen. Yaaaay you rule!

Premza

Dear Premza

I think RAB is Regulus Black, Sirius's brother. Dumbledore says it would be someone who knew Voldy, and he was sort of a death eater. I hope Regulus has a middle name that starts with A!

From SquishyPurpleHamburgers.

Dear SquishyPurpleHamburgers,

Hey, Yeah! I bet it's him, or it could be Rupert Aberforth Bunnybuns. Err, maybe not as I just made that up.

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think RAB is one of the following.

Roonil Wazlib, Luna Lovegood, Dennis Creevey, Grawp, Fang, Celestina Warbeck, Rita Skeeter, The teacup that Fudge turned into a gerbil, Mrs. Cole, (the woman who owns the orphanage that Tom Riddle grew up in) Mrs. Figg, Mr. Tibbles (Figg's cat) Mrs. Norris, Pigwidgeon, Alice Longbottom, Gilderoy Lockhart, Professor Flitwick, or the garden gnome from The Burrow that Harry chucked real far.

From, ChunkyLover53.

Dear ChunkyLover53,

Ha ha. Pick one and make a fanfic of them being RAB.

Premza

Dear Premza

RAB will stand for a place that the guy is hiding. But as Hermione being Hermione, she thinks that RAB is a female as the she thought that the HBP was a chick. Also, the place is on Mars.

From Eileen-price-gobstone-champ

Dear Eileen-price-gobstone-champ

You had to ruin it by putting in the last sentence, didn't you!

Premza


	5. Marmalade, Monopoly and Cat Pee

Hey dudes and dudettes! I know I haven't been updating at all but it's the holidays so I have plenty of spare time. Please R&R! Or don't even read it! Just Review! So, REVIEW AND DIE! Sorry, I meant review _or_ die. Or you could recommend some fanfics to me; Even though I might be insane and be mentally disabled, I'm a huge Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny shipper. And all you Hermione/Draco or Ginny/Draco or Harry/Hermione shippers, I will kill you! I will boil you in molten gold and use your guts as glue to stick my wallpaper on! EVEN IF YOU REVIEW! MUA HA HA HA etc.

On with the theories already.

Dear Premza,

this is something I just thought of Harry WILL die and the last word in the book will b 'scar' describing a peculiar mark on his tomb stone next 2 Dumbledore's 100 years later. "And on one of them there was a strange SCAR"

From theonlywitchwritingtomuggles

Dear theonlywitchwritingtomuggles

Interesting, interesting… But I'd really hate for the book to end like that! Great idea though.

Premza

Dear Premza,

It think that the perfume that Ron gave Hermione 'and that perfume's really unusual, Ron' is actually the drought of living death which she can use against her enemies only so it won't work on herself. Ron doesn't tell her because he wants so find out if she figures it out.

From ronluvamoveovermione

Dear ronluvamoveovermione

Wow, that could be cool! Go Ron! This is a record- two possible theories in a row! I think the next one will be about bagpipes and marmalade or something random.

Premza

Dear Premza

I think that Voldy will take Bagpipe lessons from Dudley's friend Gordon and plan to use it as instruments of torture against Harry and co. They eat some raspberry jam, Dumbledore's favourite as a tribute to him on the morning of Harry's 17th Birthday. Voldy goes up to them and starts playing the bagpipes. Harry and co. go insane and start chucking raspberry jam on Voldy. He screams 'I'm melting. Meeeelllllttttiiiiinnnnngggg!' and he is reduced to a puddle which Slughorn then uses it in potions, and It's called essence of Voldy and it's really rare and used in a new potion which Sluggy invents which allows the consumer to turn into a pile of raspberry jam by will.

From aberforth615

Dear aberforth615

Yup, I was right. Well, so close anyway! Marmalade… Raspberry Jam… and the bagpipes! One of my friends' brothers plays the bagpipes… Liz! If you're reading this- I pity you… Breaks into hysterical sobs Hehe.

Premza

Dear Premza,

Piers Polkiss, Dudley's friend, is actually a wizard who goes to Durmstrang and he's Wormtail's son. Well, according to Harry, they both look like rats…eh?

From Griphook

Dear Griphook

Uh… yes. Well, not as bad as the raspberry jam one, 5 possibility? Or something like that.

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think Dumbledore is still alive and is hiding somewhere disguised as a sheep. Harry will become an animagus and his form will be a faun that has incredible resemblance to Bambi.

He will find Dumbledore and will be so happy that he will stay in hiding with Dumbledore instead of leaving Voldemort, causing Ron to live as a poor little seven year old muggle boy and Hermione to ice skate constantly.

Signed, rupertisahottie5

Dear rupertisahottie5

Ha-ha- that's a killer!

Premza


	6. Lime Green Lemons, Mucus and Robots

Sorry I haven't updated in millenniums… But I can't that often if you don't send in your theories. Ok?

Dear Premza,

I think that Harry Ron and Hermione will go off to the final battle and Voldy and all the Death Eaters will die. Hermione will nearly die and Ron has to nurse her back to health (aw...). Meanwhile, Harry and Ginny get married, followed by Ron and Hermione and Neville and Luna.

Cheesy but happy!

-The Queen of Narnia

(P.S. RHR 4EVA!)

Dear the Queen of Narnia,

Yay, and Crabbe and Goyle will also get married! Hehe, I'm a huge VCGG Shipper!

Premza

Dear, Premza,

Harry will die from an overdose of treacle tart and Fred and George kill Voldemort by replacing his wand with a fake wand.

From, yOuReViLtWiN

Dear yOuReViLtWiN,

Hehe, great suggestion. I'll use it in my other fic, Harry Potter and the Effects of Too Much Sugar.

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think that Voldemort, as well as all his horcruxes, has magical armour covering his whole body. Harry has to defeat him by piercing the skin on the tip of the little finger on Voldemort's left hand, as that place can't be covered (it's where his magical power comes out). So he sends Hedwig to go and nip his little finger, and defeats him. The book ends with the sentence; "And, though he had defeated Voldemort, he knew that evil was clever and sly, and to it's anger and envy a thousand years passed like the blink of an eye. So, as a reminder of this, he wore Marvolo's ring and Slytherin's locket always, and never let them out of his sight."

From xDeltoraQuestFanaticx

Dear xDeltoraQuestFanaticx,

Hehe. So who was Hot, Tot, Jin, Jod, Fie, Fly, Zan, Zod, Pik, Snik, Lun, Lod and the dreaded Ichabod? Errr… Wormtail, Narcissa, Malfoy, Greyback, Bella…?

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think that the potion in the cave that Dumbledore had to drink as actually water. Fate knew that he was going to die a couple of hours later, so his life started to flash before his eyes then, that's why he was acting all weird. It had to start then for his whole life to flash, cuz he's so old.

From, limegreen96

Dear limegreen96

Err… ok.

Premza

Dear Premza

Harry will be shaving in the Dursleys bathroom. Voldy comes in, "Expelliarmus" Harry's shaver will go flying and Voldy will get a scar identical to Harry's. Voldy will run away with the shaver and use the hair inside it to make a polyjuice potion. Voldy will go to Hogwarts and get Harry a really bad reputation.

From Tantan

Dear Tantan,

All Praise the Holy Carrot!

Premza

Dear Premza,

Harry will find out that Voldemort had given orders to Snape to have his ring taken back from Dumbledore's corpse. Voldemort then rips his soul into another piece, but then a creature named Kreacher takes it from its hiding place in the Cave and treasures it. Uncle Vernon finds it and eventually gives it to Harry somehow. Harry finds out that it's a horcrux and has to take it to Mount Doom to destroy it with Ron and Hermione and some other random people like Luna, Neville, Ginny and Arnold the Pygmy Puff.

From bigsisof(the societySupa&chumpettefromDaMoon

Dear bigsisof(the societySupa&chumpettefromDaMoon,

Yeah, and Arnold shall play Gimli. Genius. Just Amazing.

Premza


	7. Billabongs, The Veronicas and Hotdogs

Dear Premza,

I think the barman in the Hog's Head is Aberforth. In OotP says that he smells faintly of goats and looks familiar. Dumbledore also says that he was friendly with the local barman, and Aberforth was at Dumbledore's funeral. Aberforth might have bought Regulus' locket from Mundungus when he stole it from Grimmauld Place, because it says that Aberforth was talking to Dung before Harry confronted him. It also said that Aberforth 'Drew his cloak tightly around his neck,' though I doubt he would have actually worn the locket right then.

From RoonilWazlibIsMyNickname

Dear RoonilWazlibIsMyNickname

Hehe. Yay! Aberforth rox!

Premza

Dear Premza,

I believe that James did not really die. He wanted to protect his wife and son, so he transformed into a stag at the last minute. Only he was half transformed as the killing curse killed him. As Avada Kedavra doesn't work on animals, it merely demented his face (and he didn't need glasses anymore!). He went to the Forbidden Forest to hang out with the centaurs because he looked so much like one of them. He is really Magorian, and Harry didn't realise it!

From fEmMePuTeR

Dear fEmMePuTeR

Yeah, and James never told Harry because he was ashamed that he didn't have a Firebolt. And Avada Kedevra does kill animals, duh. Moody, or Barty Crouch Jr. did it on a spider, remember?

Premza

Dear Premza

Harry will be running on a bridge over a canyon, fleeing for his life. Grawp's lady friend will be chasing him for stealing tomatoes from their garden. Harry will stupidly take the broken old rickety bridge instead of the metal road bridge next to it.

He will trip and fall into the canyon and break his elbow.

Then Lockhart will come back from the dead (yes, he did die) and try to fix the elbow. Only this time instead of all the bones disappearing, they just explode. The giant brains run away and drink some love potion. They instantly fall in love with Stan Shunpike. Harry wakes up in the middle of his funeral and is nearly buried alive. Then earth is invaded by giant banana smoothies. Harry will then swear really, really loudly and get really, really busted by Flitwick. Harry will get so mad (he's allowed to swear if he wants!) that he kills Flitwick. The funeral takes place on Mars, but no one turns up except Arkie Philpott. Arkie will brandish a probity probe and threaten to shove it up the giant banana's… but then he will realise there is nowhere to shove a probity prove up a banana. Then Umbridge will save the day by stunning fifteen thousand firework dragons.

From crazeesycadelicspazattack

Dear crazeesycadelicspazattack,

Um.

Premza

Dear Premza

Hey, I have always thought there was something about Stan Shunpike, so I have come the conclusion that he is an animagus to an Ak-Baba from the Deltora Quest series.

From dudette13slilannoyingbro

Dear dudette13slilannoyingbro

Not only would J.K. get sued for using an Ak-Baba in her story if that were to happen, she'd also pay a lot of money to Emily Rodda for it.

Premza

Dear Premza,

When Harry finally kisses Ginny, it says Ron was wearing an expression appropriate to being clubbed over the head. This is because he was clubbed over the head, by Hermione. Previously he had been swinging the Quidditch cup around madly and clubbed Hermione over the head with it. She wanted payback and did it to him.

From SalamiIsSoYummy

Dear SalamiIsSoYummy

Er, ok…

Premza

Dear Premza,

I think that Winky will fall in love with Kreacher when she realises she is attracted to white ear hair. They get married the following spring; but Winky realises Kreacher is cheating on her with Sirius' dad's trousers. She gets really sad and goes to Dobby for help. Dobby falls in love with her and THEY get married. The Giant Squid serves as the best man.

From MyKidzWillBeBornWithoutEars

Dear MyKidzWillBeBornWithoutEars,

Eew! The only acceptable Dobby/Someone is Dobby/Giant Squid.

Premza

Dear Premza,

I recon Lockhart will turn gay after the 'Stoat-Sandwich Incident' (long story). He loves Crabbe but Crabbe loves Goyle. He then crushes on Harry but Harry is in love with Hedwig. Hedwig leaves Harry for Wilkie Twycross. In the end, Lockhart gets married to McGonagall and Harry snogs Ron's old Shooting Star.

From psychoretarteddude…TOTALLYinlovewithwormtail

Dear psychoretarteddude…TOTALLYinlovewithwormtail

Wft!

Premza


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